Friday, November 2, 2012

Growing down

I married because I wanted children.  I stayed married far too long because "you have to do what is best for the children" - an argument that strongly suggests everyone else comes first in your life and your needs are peripheral.  Children and their needs are compelling reasons to do that which you'd rather not - work at the best job you can get even if that job gives you no pleasure.  It took me several years to decide that even if I could endure the relationship  the marriage based on trust and respect had long since departed for more fertile grounds.  I divorced because I would never want my children to live with the compromises I was making.

Single parenting requires different skills. When things go bump in the night, who are you going to call?  Everything is done by the single parent.  All the necessities for raising children:  food, shelter, clothing, healthcare, education, clothing - the whole ball of wax,  the whole skein of yarn,  The entire enchilada -every vacation, every sick day, every shopping trip, every dish filled, empties and washed...  You have to learn how to cope.  A friend gave me the "keeping the man out of your life" lecture and I have passed on her good advice over the years.  

There are things that can bring the family crashing down.  To shore up the family, you must take care of business first.  It may be the most difficult thing you do but keeping the man at bay must be put first.  However you organize that part of you life, the bills must be paid in a timely manner, important appointments must be kept and you must make every attempt to avoid out-of-your-control events.  The man is the personification of something else 

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